I'm really enjoying the story, and mostly the bgms. "When stars align" is an amazing song, and it fits perfectly as the novel Theme.
Also, I can't wait for some new character to appear and make Alder jealous (it looked like it was leading to something like that(?), just so he finally realizes he actually likes Jonah.
Hey, it's me again. Now that I fully finished the game I feel like I have a bit more of a critisism to give, even tho this one might be even more subjective, but I feel like I have to say it anyway.
So far I quite like Alder but he also strikes me a bit... like, how I should put this... uncaring? self-centered? dense? It's kinda hard to put it into words since I feel like all of those are a bit harsh and yet despite that he does give me those vibes.
Like, it's cool that he kicked the shit out of Jonah's ex and then decided accompany him to the way home but then he decided to just leave him on the halfway? Like dude, your friend just got distressed from running into his ex, how freaking hard it was to accompany him all the way home to make sure that he is ok? And i'm not even mentioning the fact that Jonah has shit ton of psychological problems and *also* the fact that there is a terrorist group roaming around town killing people yet you decided to leave him on half a way? What kind of friend is that?
Ironically somewhere later Andy calls out Jonah on the fact that he pays Alder not enough care when its *Alder* who should pay Jonah a care considering that Jonah has shit ton of psychological problems that Alder must have noticed by now? On a side note last time Jonah tried to pay attention to Alder he kinda snapped on him telling him its not his buisness...
Idk its kinda just rubs me the worng way all around...
Then again, I may be reading too much into it and/or just got used to more overbearing husbandos...
So I finally spent a weekend playing this vn and I have to say that I overall enjoy it... but sadly I have to say that it isn't without flaws. So I decided to give my critique so this beautiful game will potentially get better.
First things first: The description of the game made me think it will be an exploration of racial problems between humans and furries. That's... not quite what it is about. So far there are barely any mentions of unrest between two races, the overall topic comes up very rarely and even then it's only telling instead of showing (which is a common mistake most aspiring writers make). In pretty much every instance of showing the game depicts two races getting along just fine (aside this one protagonist’s flashback, but then again, the fact that a crime just so happened to happen between human and otherkin could just be a coincidence), and overall it ends being sidetracked and mixed in with theme of homophobia and protagonist's struggle to accept the stigma and move forward.
Sadly tell don't show is present through other aspects of vn. For example there is an instance when the protagonist is gushing about Alder’s photography talent yet we don’t see even ones of him reacting to it before. It legitimately feels like a scene is missing here.
Some other stuff is that some moments feel a bit rushed and forced. Particularly there is a conflict between protag and Derek. It feels a bit underdeveloped and mostly happens just because of the third party rather then the fault of either of two… well, for the most part. Something tells me that the initial intention was to show the danger of a rushed relationship and what can happend when you allow someone intrussive/ a bit obsessive into your comfort zone so fast but it came out just as an accident caused by this one coach guy (who feels like a real villain in this whole situation, honestly. Did he really need to go that far?...).
Lastly: I understand indie devs don't exactly have a budget for production values but in this case this fact hurts the most. Placing photographic backgrounds with irl people in a setting where both humans and furries supposed to live together break immersion quite a lot... even thought this is something that I'm willing to overlook since it isn't something that can be esily fixed.
That being said, I actually like this vn a lot. The chemistry between three main characters seem surprisingly natural and overall dialogue written pretty well.
The protagonist’s situation resonates with me quite a lot as well. It isn’t as extreme but I am too familiar with things like homophobia, propaganda and struggling to find your soulmate.
The main characters are quite interesting. Initially I expected Andy to be yet another generic best friend but it seems quite more to him then just that. Alder is a surprisingly cool guy that isn't overly protective and nannying. The fact that he is straitght is actually refreshing and I honestly fine with this being just a friendship story.
And the overall protagonist's journey of overcoming his insecurities and traumas is quite intriguing, and makes me overlook so many flaws I have run into. Seeing fictional people overcoming their psychological problems is something that needs to be done a lot more so I'm glad this vn goes this way.
So overall I quite enjoy it, but I do feel it needs a bit more work. I kinda disagree that it needs particlary drastic change like changing the order of events whom protagonists meets first but some improvments need to be made in my opinion.
Sorry for taking so long to get back to you, the last week has been quite hectic lmao..
Thanks so much for giving me such a detailed review on my project- honestly, it means a lot for me. I'm constantly trying to improve, so your view really helps.
Everything you have said has been taken into account and will be applied where it should be, though some points I can't really touch because, the way the story has been thought out by me, some things are supposed to not make sense, or seem unnecessary, or whatnot. Things are yet to happen, so links will be made way later on. If you stick around until the end of it, I'd love to see your review then again :)) .
But yeah, thanks a lot, and I'll see what I can do <33
Hey, you are welcome and Merry Christmas! Honestly I don't think you have to change everything that has already been written (or even taking into my complaints -- its just an opinion after all) but if you *do* find that useful then just keep it in mind in future if you can :-)
I have enjoyed the VN so much so far. But I get the feeling that Andy isn't who he seems to be. I have a feeling that he is actually the one that is controlling the situation that the MC is going through. I could be wrong but, i am usually good at these types of things.
out of curiosity, as i see you describe your content with "sexual hinting" does that mean your VN will have NSFW conent? or is it just only hinted at and up to the readers interpretation?
Okay... Okay... I'm gonna be straightforward with this one...I truly did not expect this vn to be THIS good. Even tho it is still in it's early builds, it still manage to make me laugh and wonder about the story. The story about humans and otherkin not getting along is really interesting. I personally liked hearing the backstories of the characters tbh, it captures how traumatic the past had been for the characters...(Next one, Andy's backstory pls) Speaking of this gleaming sunlight, Truthfully Deejay, I was embarrassed having Andy as a friend in the first part of the vn. But he turned out to be the most outgoing, supportive, and a FREAKING boss! He later turned to being my most favourite character in this vn. Good luck with this one, really, REALLY excited to know more! <3
I have no words honestly, i am so so happy that you enjoy the vn and that you took time with it! Seriously wow, thank you so much for it! You don’t know how much what you just said helps me!! <3
Also really glad that you like Andy; I have big plans for him hehe
wow deejay this vn have a great improvement.... thanksssss the update now this vn have a color now hahahaha bad english but realy thank for the effort buddy... am always looking forward for your great workkkk.. keep it up
Andy's just the type of character that I love, but would probably annoy the shit out of me irl! Also, he's gayer than everyone else in the VN and that's beautiful~ As for Alder, he's sweet and loving, I like him a lot <3
Keep up the good work, I can't wait for the next update! =w=
Not sure how I feel about the story really. Seems like our MC falls for people way too easily and on the rebound. Not sure who Alder is or why I should care at all. But eh, it's a VN, not a dating sim I guess. I can't help the poor choices he makes.
Honestly the whole thing bothers me. Feels like we could have just started at Rome and not lost anything important if that's how it was gonna happen in the end. I dunno maybe I'm complaining too much since it's still so early but yeah. If it ends up that we aren't given a choice of those three or something and we're forced to be with hibiscus boy, then what was the point.
You have a good point and I’m glad you shared it with me!
To clear things up, the whole falling easy for Derek was to show how that was his first relationship, so ofc he was unexperienced and fell a bit too easy for him.
For Oscar, he didn’t fall at all, Oscar was there to show how time and place can be unfortunate.
I get what you mean by the “being forced to be with him”, it’s write imprisoning yo have just one route, but sadly that’s how the story is made to be.
If it ever crosses my mind, i could remake some parts and make different routes sure, but that may be unlikely with the message I’m trying to share with the readers.
Everything is going to be coloured in, it’s just that i need to make sure there is enough to the story to keep people going while I colour the sprites and CGs. After all, i think the writing has a priority. But yes, soon enough everything will be coloured :D!
Well, just got into the second update, and that is certainly an... interesting turn of events. Definitely not used to this kind of plot twist, but I'm all for what it could lead to!
For being in the early stages, this VN looks great! The dialogue is pretty well built and only has a few typos. Can't wait to see more from this project!
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This novella will become my all-time favorite, a truly gorgeous original story. Looking forward to new versions :3
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like my story that much, and I can promise you it's going to get better and better!
This is just the start of a long journey^^
I'm glad you keep writing this story (:
will never stop :))
III LLLOOVVEEE IIIITTT!!!! it is really good keep up the good work!
Thank you so much!’!!!!! <33
Oh, this is so great. It's so well written and it kept me playing until the end. Congrats for the game and thanks for it.
Thank you so much!! glad you like it <333
I'm really enjoying the story, and mostly the bgms. "When stars align" is an amazing song, and it fits perfectly as the novel Theme.
Also, I can't wait for some new character to appear and make Alder jealous (it looked like it was leading to something like that(?), just so he finally realizes he actually likes Jonah.
I can’t say much, so we just gotta wait :>>
But I’m really glad you’re liking the story!! Comments like these make my day^^
How large is Alder? I have not seen all of the VN yet, but everybody commonly refered as being larger than the others.
ah, well Alder is around 6 foot 2 inches, which is about 188 centimeters, he's the third tallest in the book <3
Ok, thanks.
Hey, it's me again. Now that I fully finished the game I feel like I have a bit more of a critisism to give, even tho this one might be even more subjective, but I feel like I have to say it anyway.
So far I quite like Alder but he also strikes me a bit... like, how I should put this... uncaring? self-centered? dense? It's kinda hard to put it into words since I feel like all of those are a bit harsh and yet despite that he does give me those vibes.
Like, it's cool that he kicked the shit out of Jonah's ex and then decided accompany him to the way home but then he decided to just leave him on the halfway? Like dude, your friend just got distressed from running into his ex, how freaking hard it was to accompany him all the way home to make sure that he is ok? And i'm not even mentioning the fact that Jonah has shit ton of psychological problems and *also* the fact that there is a terrorist group roaming around town killing people yet you decided to leave him on half a way? What kind of friend is that?
Ironically somewhere later Andy calls out Jonah on the fact that he pays Alder not enough care when its *Alder* who should pay Jonah a care considering that Jonah has shit ton of psychological problems that Alder must have noticed by now? On a side note last time Jonah tried to pay attention to Alder he kinda snapped on him telling him its not his buisness...
Idk its kinda just rubs me the worng way all around...
Then again, I may be reading too much into it and/or just got used to more overbearing husbandos...
omg i love how perceptive you are!!
Sadly I can’t tell you too much as to why Alder is like that, but I guess you just have to wait and see :))
As I mentioned before, things are meant to not make sense and seem all twisted sometimes, but they’ll all make sense later!!
I think you might just be the best theorist for the vn and I’m loving it.
Happy Christmas~I am looking forward the next update！
Happy Christmas!!
Hello, hope you are all having fantastic day.
So I finally spent a weekend playing this vn and I have to say that I overall enjoy it... but sadly I have to say that it isn't without flaws. So I decided to give my critique so this beautiful game will potentially get better.
First things first: The description of the game made me think it will be an exploration of racial problems between humans and furries. That's... not quite what it is about. So far there are barely any mentions of unrest between two races, the overall topic comes up very rarely and even then it's only telling instead of showing (which is a common mistake most aspiring writers make). In pretty much every instance of showing the game depicts two races getting along just fine (aside this one protagonist’s flashback, but then again, the fact that a crime just so happened to happen between human and otherkin could just be a coincidence), and overall it ends being sidetracked and mixed in with theme of homophobia and protagonist's struggle to accept the stigma and move forward.
Sadly tell don't show is present through other aspects of vn. For example there is an instance when the protagonist is gushing about Alder’s photography talent yet we don’t see even ones of him reacting to it before. It legitimately feels like a scene is missing here.
Some other stuff is that some moments feel a bit rushed and forced. Particularly there is a conflict between protag and Derek. It feels a bit underdeveloped and mostly happens just because of the third party rather then the fault of either of two… well, for the most part. Something tells me that the initial intention was to show the danger of a rushed relationship and what can happend when you allow someone intrussive/ a bit obsessive into your comfort zone so fast but it came out just as an accident caused by this one coach guy (who feels like a real villain in this whole situation, honestly. Did he really need to go that far?...).
Lastly: I understand indie devs don't exactly have a budget for production values but in this case this fact hurts the most. Placing photographic backgrounds with irl people in a setting where both humans and furries supposed to live together break immersion quite a lot... even thought this is something that I'm willing to overlook since it isn't something that can be esily fixed.
That being said, I actually like this vn a lot. The chemistry between three main characters seem surprisingly natural and overall dialogue written pretty well.
The protagonist’s situation resonates with me quite a lot as well. It isn’t as extreme but I am too familiar with things like homophobia, propaganda and struggling to find your soulmate.
The main characters are quite interesting. Initially I expected Andy to be yet another generic best friend but it seems quite more to him then just that. Alder is a surprisingly cool guy that isn't overly protective and nannying. The fact that he is straitght is actually refreshing and I honestly fine with this being just a friendship story.
And the overall protagonist's journey of overcoming his insecurities and traumas is quite intriguing, and makes me overlook so many flaws I have run into. Seeing fictional people overcoming their psychological problems is something that needs to be done a lot more so I'm glad this vn goes this way.
So overall I quite enjoy it, but I do feel it needs a bit more work. I kinda disagree that it needs particlary drastic change like changing the order of events whom protagonists meets first but some improvments need to be made in my opinion.
Looking forward to continuation.
/N
Hey there!
Sorry for taking so long to get back to you, the last week has been quite hectic lmao..
Thanks so much for giving me such a detailed review on my project- honestly, it means a lot for me. I'm constantly trying to improve, so your view really helps.
Everything you have said has been taken into account and will be applied where it should be, though some points I can't really touch because, the way the story has been thought out by me, some things are supposed to not make sense, or seem unnecessary, or whatnot. Things are yet to happen, so links will be made way later on. If you stick around until the end of it, I'd love to see your review then again :)) .
But yeah, thanks a lot, and I'll see what I can do <33
Hey, you are welcome and Merry Christmas! Honestly I don't think you have to change everything that has already been written (or even taking into my complaints -- its just an opinion after all) but if you *do* find that useful then just keep it in mind in future if you can :-)
it is really useful! All the feedback anyone gives i take into account, so thank u!! Also Merry Christmas to you too!!
This VN is amazing the story and the characters are amazing
Also keep it up and happy early new year
"We will watch your career with great interest"
Awh thanks so much! Comments like this really mean the world to me <3
I have enjoyed the VN so much so far. But I get the feeling that Andy isn't who he seems to be. I have a feeling that he is actually the one that is controlling the situation that the MC is going through. I could be wrong but, i am usually good at these types of things.
really glad that you enjoyed it!! <3
And regarding Andy, I guess time will tell :>
out of curiosity, as i see you describe your content with "sexual hinting" does that mean your VN will have NSFW conent? or is it just only hinted at and up to the readers interpretation?
It's only hinted at :>
There won't be any explicit content like NSFW illustrations or smut writing, only sexual jokes/hints, if that makes sense.
Okay... Okay... I'm gonna be straightforward with this one...I truly did not expect this vn to be THIS good. Even tho it is still in it's early builds, it still manage to make me laugh and wonder about the story. The story about humans and otherkin not getting along is really interesting. I personally liked hearing the backstories of the characters tbh, it captures how traumatic the past had been for the characters...(Next one, Andy's backstory pls) Speaking of this gleaming sunlight, Truthfully Deejay, I was embarrassed having Andy as a friend in the first part of the vn. But he turned out to be the most outgoing, supportive, and a FREAKING boss! He later turned to being my most favourite character in this vn. Good luck with this one, really, REALLY excited to know more! <3
wow- that’s-
I have no words honestly, i am so so happy that you enjoy the vn and that you took time with it! Seriously wow, thank you so much for it! You don’t know how much what you just said helps me!! <3
Also really glad that you like Andy; I have big plans for him hehe
I downloaded, unzipped, and clicked it, but it won't run. :(
now that’s unusual…
What platform are you running it on?
wow deejay this vn have a great improvement.... thanksssss the update now this vn have a color now hahahaha bad english but realy thank for the effort buddy... am always looking forward for your great workkkk.. keep it up
awh thank you so much!! I'm so glad that you like the new content <3
as always I hope next update the MC are renamenable
Estará disponible para Android?
Not yet unfortunately, as soon as I learn how to make an Android build, I will update the version :DD
Gracias 👍
Andy's just the type of character that I love, but would probably annoy the shit out of me irl! Also, he's gayer than everyone else in the VN and that's beautiful~
As for Alder, he's sweet and loving, I like him a lot <3
Keep up the good work, I can't wait for the next update! =w=
The characters are colorless :)) hhhhhe.. I really enjoy your VN thank you for sharing this.. 😊
I’m very glad you like it!!
As for the sprites, they’re being reworked as we speak, and they will be completely finished by the end of the hiatus (end of june). :D
Not sure how I feel about the story really. Seems like our MC falls for people way too easily and on the rebound. Not sure who Alder is or why I should care at all. But eh, it's a VN, not a dating sim I guess. I can't help the poor choices he makes.
Honestly the whole thing bothers me. Feels like we could have just started at Rome and not lost anything important if that's how it was gonna happen in the end. I dunno maybe I'm complaining too much since it's still so early but yeah. If it ends up that we aren't given a choice of those three or something and we're forced to be with hibiscus boy, then what was the point.
You have a good point and I’m glad you shared it with me!
To clear things up, the whole falling easy for Derek was to show how that was his first relationship, so ofc he was unexperienced and fell a bit too easy for him.
For Oscar, he didn’t fall at all, Oscar was there to show how time and place can be unfortunate.
I get what you mean by the “being forced to be with him”, it’s write imprisoning yo have just one route, but sadly that’s how the story is made to be.
If it ever crosses my mind, i could remake some parts and make different routes sure, but that may be unlikely with the message I’m trying to share with the readers.
havent played this yet and so far from the pictures im seeing on this page it looks good already..but! will it be colored in?
yes!!
Everything is going to be coloured in, it’s just that i need to make sure there is enough to the story to keep people going while I colour the sprites and CGs. After all, i think the writing has a priority. But yes, soon enough everything will be coloured :D!
Well, just got into the second update, and that is certainly an... interesting turn of events. Definitely not used to this kind of plot twist, but I'm all for what it could lead to!
For being in the early stages, this VN looks great! The dialogue is pretty well built and only has a few typos. Can't wait to see more from this project!
aw thank you so much for taking an interest in it!! <33
I’ll make sure to get rid of any typos, thank you for telling me!
Is the MC a furry, or a human?
Human, you'll see him in the next build :DD
A solid start to the story! I'm really liking this VN so far and I can't wait when we can meet with Derek. Keep up the amazing work!
Thank you so so much!! I’m so glad you like it <3